But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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