the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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