THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
