The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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