When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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