pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
