i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
