I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
