Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
