its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
