Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
