He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
