yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
