i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
