mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So squirting runs in the family.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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