my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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