quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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