would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
