my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
