is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize