what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
