so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
