You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
