Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
