The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
