shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
