cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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