That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
