They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
