Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
