dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
