Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oh god it's open bar.
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