I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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