Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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