Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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