I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
