You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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