I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
