I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Shitshow foam night was such a success
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
