I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
