He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
