Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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