He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
