Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
