He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
