I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
