I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
