If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize