i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
