i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
