My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
