Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
