He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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