She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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