I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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