I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
