my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
