look no pants
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So squirting runs in the family.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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