Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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