3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
