She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
