That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
