I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
