I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
