Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
