so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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