just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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