I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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