if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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