He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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