How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
