Can i not drive my cunt home
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I cut my penus on the lid.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
