I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
