he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Couch. On fire.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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