I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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