So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
