Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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