This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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