Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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