you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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