I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I came so hard my ears popped.
I forget how to act sober
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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