mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
