i need an iv and a liver transplant
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
