had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
