mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
