You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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