Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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