Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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