By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
