i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
