Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
