i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
