Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
