i need an iv and a liver transplant
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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