My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
