question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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