whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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