whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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