And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
