When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
