I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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