Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
