Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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